Have you ever come out?
I don’t mean only LGBT coming out. Other things too, such as:
- eating disorder survivor (or sufferer)
- someone with chronic mental illness
- addict
In my time, I’ve come out as bisexual, an eating disorder sufferer/survivor, and bipolar. I’ve also come out as someone who struggles with self harm.
Or less dire things, but things that nevertheless might be difficult to announce, such as:
- quitting a conventional career to be an artist, writer or musician (done that)
- a religious conversion (nope, but my mom did)
- a love of an unusual interest (I’ve come out as a language-learning obsesser, and a conlanger.)
- an activist
Coming out is difficult but it gets easier with practice. The first difficult coming out I ever did was about being bisexual. I didn’t couch it in sexual identity but instead as telling people that I was in a relationship with another woman. (Labels work for some people but don’t serve me well. I prefer to stick to irrefutable facts such as relationships.)
One of the first people I told about a same-sex relationship was my friend, let’s call her Constance, who is now a nun in Taiwan. She was a very close friend at the time. Her reaction was, “You know that’s not something I agree with, but I’ll still be friends with you anyway.” Although it was nice not to lose the friendship altogether, I felt a distance to her that never went away.
The hardest coming out of my life was telling my parents that I needed help with the anorexia. They were blind to my appearance, being people who see what they want to see. They were shocked but didn’t seem disappointed or mad. The disappointment and anger came later, when I broke the news that I needed to drop out of grad school to go to a live-in rehab center. “This not what I wanted for you,” said my mom. Followed by, “I pray for you every day.” The prayer proclamations bothered me. I’m not used to religious mom. If she wants to pray for me for her sake, by all means do it. But it means nothing to me.
I came out to my parents about my sexuality while I was at rehab. I figured, what do I have to lose? Compared to the other admissions I’d made in that time frame, the bisexual thing barely registered. I felt so happy to have that load off my mind.
My most wonderful coming out was when I came out to my mother as a musician. I was five years old. I was scared. But it was worth it, and I’m still a musician. I think it’s music that has saved me over and over from death from mental illness, more than the meds, the treatment, the therapy, the Ensure.
I’m not out at work about hardly anything. There are times I want to tell them all, shut up about your diet hints and your ignorant comments about gay people and people with mental illness. Please don’t talk about celebrities with anorexia as “gross.” Calling a skinny person gross is no worse than calling a fat person gross.
Rant over.
Terra